1. My thighs are HOT. Does putting talc between your thighs actually work?? *Googles* Oooookay cool but what’s a quick cure for thigh clapping?
2. Either I wear this breezy summer top to work and Steve from accounts will dive into my cleavage or I wear a more conservative option and produce approximately eight litres of sweat despite using three cans of deodorant. Tricky.
3. Does this bra work with this top? Does it give me back rolls?? Is my back fat hanging out??? I REGRET SKIPPING THE GYM (repeat self hate every year)
4. Why am I attempting to make my hair look pretty when it’s inevitable I’ll have to embrace the bun life by 9am due to sweaty commutes and general humidity? <3 damp baby hair <3
5. Must keep on top of the shiny T-Zone/SULA situation (Sweaty Upper Lip Alert, FYI) by casually powdering my face whenever present company looks away. Oh good it’s clinging in patches around my nose. GOOD.
6. So I have to moisturise my whole body, scrub my feet, shave my legs, paint my toes, tan, wax my foof AND eat clean in order to be summer ready? FFS PIZZA
7. *Gives the death stare to gym-bunny friend you mocked all winter*
“Oh you can’t believe I’m not in a bikini too? I don’t really feel the heat, actually I’m not hot at all in my roll neck jumper and jeans”
*powders face subtly*
8. When is it socially acceptable to fan my pits/cleavage/bum cheeks/between my legs? *wafts*
9. I’m just going to open the freezer door in Tesco and pretend I’m deliberating which fish fingers to buy, no one will ever notice I’m trying to mount the shelves.
10. I can’t believe I count down all winter for THIS. I am effing sweating. OMG I can’t wait til it’s coat weather *pats SULA with finger*