1. Bloody love starfishing in bed. My preferred position is kinda on your side but mainly on your front, legs spread wide, face half buried in the pillow ready for seven hours (optimistic) of dribbling.
PS. Sorry if this aroused you.
2. You can tame the bush when you want to tame the bush. Be that twice a week, be that twice a month, it’s okay. Ditto legs, probably not ditto armpits (potential BO/itch issues).
3. You don’t have an other half to buy birthday/Christmas presents for. Instead, you can use the money you would’ve used on a present on yourself – makes sense huh? I abused this logic this Christmas in a big way *overdraft trembles*
4. You don’t have to worry that you’re pregnant. Boyfriend + regular sex + one day late on your period = irrational text to mum, for example:
I NEED YOU TO BUY ME A PREGNANCY TEST AND COME OVER, OMG YOU MIGHT BE A GRANDMOTHER
*five hours later*
Actually mum can you grab me some Tampax instead, the green ones if they’ve got them please x
(Although, saying that, number 5…)
5. You can be slutty if you want to. Judge all you want but as they say, pink wine makes us slutty (points if you can name the programme that’s from). You can have sex as much as you want or be messaging 47 guys and sending 3 second titty snapchats to 37 of those and no one can do a damn thing about it. Yolo?
6. You have lots of free time to hang out with your amazing friends. Even if you’re fiercely one of those gals who refuses to become ‘that girl’ who is always busy with the boyf, when you’re single you can spend all weekend being slobby wearing joggers and drinking wine with your best pals.
7. You can be completely selfish. Relationships involve compromise but being single means you can do everything for you. If you want to watch the Ed Sheeran documentary for the sixth time, you can. If you want a curry, three sides, two poppadoms and a naan for the second night in a row, you can. If you want to merge those two whilst sat in bed wearing fleecy panda print pyjamas on a Saturday night, that is also completely fine.
8. Similarly, you can come to terms with your own version of happiness (deep). Often in relationships what you want can be muddled with what ‘we’ want, which can come back to slap you in the face later down the line. Being alone (sniff) allows you to consider what you want from life. Do you want to travel? Do you want to move in with friends? (Can someones decide this for me by the way?) Cliche as it is, your life is what you make it.
9. You don’t have to endure the unspoken horrors of being in a relationship with a man, examples including, but not exclusive to:
Takeaway farts, sticky boxers on the floor, man flu, post lads night puking, sweaty balls, smelly bed sheets. Yum.
10. Tshirt bras and granny pants, all day erry day.